The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
