I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Congratulations! We have a period
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