I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
