dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
