yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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