Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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