at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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