Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
