i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
