I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
