just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
