Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There's a naked man in my car right now.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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