mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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