That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize