Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
