Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
