Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
