I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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