I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
