i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
is that a dick in a sweater?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
