1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
