if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
