Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize