she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
