Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
