Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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