Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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