yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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