she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
