the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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