Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
