eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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