My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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