I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize