There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
