He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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