i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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