you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
