I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just cropdusted the office
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
