It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
