its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
