i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
