my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
