i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
