Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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