then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
