No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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