also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just found puke in my bra..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
