I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
