i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My breasts were aching with rage.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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