if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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