Pappa wants mamma naked
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
