Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
