A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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