i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
