Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
