I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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