Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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