he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize