I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
