Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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