she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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