He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
