News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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