its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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