So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
