a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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