did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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