you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
