you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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