jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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