i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There are leaves in my underwear?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
